What I Learned From My Hero

One of my favorite catchphrases was always, “A hero ain’t nothing but a sandwich, so be your own role model.” That was primarily because I had never been surrounded by people worth modeling. Don’t get me wrong, I had good men in my life, and they influenced me in many ways, but they weren’t men that I felt that I could emulate.

Then I met my father-in-law.

Paul was a law enforcement officer for over 20 years. He had served in the Marshal’s service, local PDs, and Sheriff’s Departments all over the country. He was a man of integrity and grit. He was a man who would go to work, do heroic acts and feats, and then return home like nothing happened. He kept his awards and medals in a box in his closet, not pinned to his chest. He was a humble, God-fearing patriot who loved a good joke, a good drink, and a good laugh. Paul was my hero.

I could tell you a myriad of equally heroic and tragic stories, like how he had been instrumental in taking down a crooked mayor of a city where he worked or the time he responded to a man who had run over his own child and Paul had to pull the kid out from inside the wheel well, holding his head together with his bare hands. I could tell you stories of triumph and stories of tragedy. He wasn’t prone to share these stories unless he’d had one too many drinks or things were too heavy for him and he had to get it out.

The Defining Measure of Manhood: Action and Integrity

What he taught me is more valuable than any book on philosophy, and I have read more than a few. He taught me that more than anything, a man lives not by what he says, but what he does. It requires integral men of action and moral fortitude to do the right thing in a society, especially when no one is watching.

In a time when law enforcement is demonized more than ever, it is vitally important for us to remember that those men and women who represent that thin blue line are the best of the best of our nation. They are the cream of the crop—those willing, even at great personal peril, to go out into those streets day after day, night after night, and put it all on the line to help keep America safe. Paul was my hero not because he wore a badge and body armor and carried a gun, but because he embodied the core principles of what it means to be a moral agent of justice and accept duty and responsibility to something larger than himself.

His life proved the principle: you cannot merely speak virtue; you must embody it.

This fundamental lesson—the necessity of disciplined, courageous action—led me to seriously consider what foundational models shape a man capable of such quiet heroism. We need heroes, not to worship them, but to use them as navigational charts. We need archetypes—the deep, inherited patterns of human experience—to guide young men away from the chaos of modern aimlessness and toward mature, functional manhood.

The Crisis of Aimlessness and the Need for Archetypes

Psychologically, we understand that human development relies heavily on modeling. When modern society strips away traditional male roles, replacing them with confusion or caricature, boys lack a clear path forward. They flounder in arrested development, never truly integrating the principles of responsibility and sacrifice that define an adult.

The key to resolving this modern crisis is re-embracing the four mature masculine archetypes that have existed across cultures for millennia: the King, the Warrior, the Magician, and the Lover. These archetypes, rooted initially in Jungian psychology and refined by men like Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, offer a comprehensive map for masculine maturity. Viewed through a conservative, traditional, and Biblical lens, they become not just psychological concepts, but divine mandates for faithful living.

To become a good man—an American Pillar—a boy must successfully integrate all four.

1. The King: Order, Blessing, and Authority

The King archetype is the principle of ordering, provision, and benevolent authority. In a traditional context, the King is the sovereign ruler of his domain—first, his internal self, then his family, and finally his community. He provides structure, stability, and growth.

In Biblical terms, the King is the steward, tasked with cultivating the garden (Genesis) and governing justly (Proverbs). He is not a tyrant, but a source of blessing and protective order. Paul, my hero, embodied the King by providing a stable, moral center for his home, regardless of the chaos he faced externally.

The King knows that true authority stems from self-mastery. As the classical philosopher Plato instructed:

“The first and best victory is to conquer self; to be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and vile.”

A mature man learns to rule his passions and appetites, thus enabling him to rule his household and contribute to society with integrity. The King sets the moral compass.

2. The Warrior: Duty, Discipline, and Defense

The Warrior is the archetype of action, courage, and boundary-setting. This pillar is essential for discipline, physical stamina, and the willingness to fight for what is right—whether that is defending his family, upholding justice, or struggling internally against moral compromise.

The Warrior understands duty. He does not seek conflict, but he refuses to flee from necessary struggle. Paul, through his career, lived the Warrior ethos daily: risking his life to preserve the safety of strangers. He possessed the grit necessary to endure hardship without complaint.

The Biblical Warrior understands that the fight is often spiritual before it is physical. We are called to stand firm, disciplined, and prepared.

“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” — Ephesians 6:11

The Warrior is the executor of the King’s righteous command. He is the courage required to translate belief into action.

3. The Magician: Wisdom, Introspection, and Truth

The Magician is the archetype of knowledge, truth-seeking, and deep understanding. He is the man who seeks to understand the hidden mechanisms of reality—whether in science, theology, history, or the human soul. The Magician masters complex skills and uses his knowledge to serve and protect, never to deceive or manipulate.

Crucially, the mature Magician engages in constant introspection. This is where modern psychology meets ancient wisdom. In psychological terms, the Magician must confront his personal “shadow”—the parts of himself he represses or denies. This difficult process of self-awareness is essential for moral clarity. A man who understands his own weaknesses and fears is far stronger than one who pretends they don’t exist.

My father-in-law demonstrated this by rarely speaking of his heroic feats. He internalized the trauma and the triumph, wrestling with the weighty realities of his duty. The Magician archetype provides the necessary tools for processing life’s complexities and providing wise, grounded counsel.

4. The Lover: Connection, Passion, and Embodiment

The Lover is often misunderstood. It is not exclusively about romance, but about the archetype of deep appreciation, passionate engagement with life, and profound connection to God, family, nature, and community. The mature Lover is the man capable of covenant commitment and sensitivity.

He is the man who can weep for the fallen, appreciate beauty, and commit himself fully to his promises. The Lover provides the necessary integration, ensuring the Warrior does not become a brute or the King does not become cold and detached.

In a Biblical context, the Lover embodies Agape—unconditional, sacrificial love. This passion is the source of a man’s fidelity to his wife, his devotion to his children, and his appreciation for life itself.

“Love is patient, love is kind... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4–7

Paul, my hero, was fully committed to life—loving a good joke, a good laugh, and his family above all. His capacity for fierce protection stemmed directly from his deep capacity for love.

The Whole Man: A Pillar of American Virtue

A good man is not a one-dimensional character; he is a man who seamlessly integrates all four archetypes. He is the King who rules himself justly, the Warrior who defends his boundaries, the Magician who seeks truth and understands complexity, and the Lover who commits his heart entirely.

Paul was my hero because he was all these things. He did not need accolades; his duty was his reward. He lived by action, not just profession. He was a humble, integral man whose life stands as a testament to the quiet, powerful potential inherent in traditional masculine virtue.

The lesson Paul taught me is simple, yet revolutionary: we don’t need to fabricate heroes; we need to become them by accepting the ancient, solemn duty of maturity. By embodying the King, the Warrior, the Magician, and the Lover, we build men who are true American Pillars—strong, stable, and ready to stand firm against the storms of chaos.